5 min read

New joy & embracing the pauses

A week from now, Cooper will be a month old! It's difficult to process how fast the time has gone. Everyone tells you it moves at lightning speed, and so far, that's holding true.

Two days ago, Nicholas worked a half day, so we had a taste of a one-on-one day, but today is my first full day home alone with Cooper. When we first brought him home, I kept thinking When I get back to feeling normal again... But the reality is, my new normal resembles my previous normal so minimally. Yes, I will continue to heal physically and feel more and more like myself, and gradually (eventually?) we'll enter a phase where Cooper is sleeping a bit more, but the "normal" of the last few years is a memory. We now have a little boy!

In the last week or so, I feel like some of the postpartum fog began to lift. I was nursing Cooper a few days ago and a huge realization hit me, I love this life. I want to find joy in being a mama and I want to enjoy this new life. It's a gift!

So, I'm not stressing about trying to get huge to-do lists done, or to do everything perfectly. So many people talk about the busyness of having a newborn, and I get that. A lot of my days will be spent nursing and changing diapers and tummy time and talking with our little boy. I have to juggle and plan ahead (without firmly planning anything) and figure out when to do two-handed tasks during naps, etc. All that said, there is so much about new motherhood that is slow. Cooper is hungry? Okay, I'll set aside whatever I'm doing, and feed him, pressing pause on all other things. Yes, I could consider any of these activities as "interruptions," and at first, in the immediate postpartum period, they felt like that a little bit. But I think God is softening my heart and changing my attitude about so many of these slow, repetitious tasks. Rather than interruptions, I want to view them as "pauses." There is so much sweetness in that type of slow pausing. I mean, look at the photo below. 100% a worthwhile pause.

Between those moments, here are a few other little things I've been up to:

  • folding load after load of tiny baby clothes and cloth diapers (neither of which I mind) I actually haven't enjoyed laundry this much in years!
  • setting aside a few minutes to work on my devotional in the morning and the evening
  • meal planning and figuring out when to venture to the grocery store (that's on today's agenda)
  • so many snuggles. After nursing, in the evening, in the morning, in the afternoon, you name it.
  • walks. I'm attempting two-a-day as part of the Expecting and Empowered Postpartum Guide, but on days when only one happens, there's grace! The guide also goes through some core strengthening exercises and diaphragmatic breathing. Today Cooper and I got out early, before it warmed up too much, and we cruised the shady paths and saw a turtle (well, I did, he slept most of the time. ;) And there were a few days this week when it was too hot to take Cooper out, so Nicholas watched him while I got to go for a walk.
  • visiting family for a Fourth of July meal that my mother- and sister-in-law made. We brought almond flour cookies bars for dessert and we all had coffee.
  • wearing Cooper while I made our first (non-breakfast!) supper
  • introducing Cooper to his Aunt Molly (visiting from Austin!)
  • making breakfast tacos and baked peanut butter oatmeal

As I posted yesterday on my instagram, the photo below sums up life for us pretty well right now: blurry, happy, together. And also, Cooper's face and his little hand wave melt my heart.


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