Breathe in, breathe out
I'm just breathing in, breathing out, over here. I don't write that in a melancholy way. In all the moments and things that occupy our time, there is so much that we forget to notice our breathing. There is a lot of beauty in all those in-between moments. Life is a few big things with thousands of little ones between. The little ones that aren't flashy or particularly bright, but ones that spark a little bit (or a lot!) of joy.
Nicholas and I walked to the mailbox together when he finished work today, "bundled" as much as we (finally!) can, me in layers and a scarf and him in the hat I knit him last Christmas. This is the season where I notice a shift in my mood—a release of sorts. I feel like there's more room to breathe, more room to live in this season than there is in the hot months. I found one tiny, red maple leaf on the walk to the mailbox. We got there and the mailbox was empty, anyway, but it was worth it, to be at his side, finding a tiny red leaf, breathing October air, feeling a bit of drizzly rain on our faces, finding those sparks of joy, and choosing to breathe deeper.
Here are my October bits of joy:
- raining all the time; rainy, cozy days
- buying "nice" coffee for the first time in months
- dates out for smoothies and lightbulb shopping at the hardware store (I wore overalls out of the house for the first time)
- keeping our small apartment cozy and tidy
- lemon + purify in the diffuser
- dates on the porch (at his suggestion) for smoothies or crossword puzzles or just sitting and talking and knitting
- cozying up in the new pullover I got for my birthday
- ordering a special fall latte that was so tasty (and not too sweet!) with lots of nutmeg
- knitting on Christmas gifts (almost done!)
- slowly taking my time and working through this beautiful book that I received as a birthday gift
- admiring the wet leaves on the ground
- coffee dates with one sweet friend
- and walks in the park with another and her little buddy
- pretty river rocks by the apartment office
- earrings from a friend for my birthday; they're my new favorites!
- wearing a dress over leggings; feeling the most like myself when I'm dressed in layers
- making creative plans
- making soup for dinner
- driving with the windows open
- working on typing up my own chili recipe that I'll share soon
- keeping the apartment windows open from one day, overnight, and into the next
- sharing stroopwafels with decaf coffee at bedtime
- taking a fun mini day trip to San Marcos (halfway between our homes!) to meet a friend and her man for a meal together, a walk around a campus at a school none of us attended, and some coffee
- wearing the prettiest and most versatile linen scarf that I got for my birthday
- (I love how God weaves the stories of lifelong friends together for our good)
- roasting onions and potatoes and serving with chicken I cooked in the instant pot and shredded (basically we're forever loving bowl meals)
- indulging in afternoon and/or post-dinner naps on the couch with Nicholas (naps in cooler weather are the best)
- listening to Gregory Alan Isakov's brand new album (in anticipation of seeing him perform live tomorrow tonight!)
- compiling and listening to my own fall playlist (which you can listen to here, if you want!)
I'm reading a bit in Jan Karon's A New Song every night before bed, and savoring the quotes that move me, like this one, which resonates so deeply with my Enneagram Type 2 heart:
It wretched his heart to say goodbye. But what were hearts for, in the end? A little wretching now and then was far better than no wretching at all.
And for anyone reading this in a waiting season, or a season of longing (and heartbreak), I loved these lyrics from Jess Ray's You're Gonna Love Me:
Oh, If you ask me, you will receive, If you seek me, you're gonna find me, If you knock, the doors will come swinging free So come on and ask me, ask me So come on and ask me, you can’t make me weary, Come on and seek me, I’m not hiding Come on and knock down the doors, My kingdom’s yours! My kingdom’s yours!
In a season of repetitive prayers, it's so good to be reminded that we cannot make Him weary, He doesn't lose patience like we do. And He hears every prayer.
What brings me to worship: Life lately, mid-May 2021
There's a lot of heaviness in the world right now.
2020: A year in review
Now that we're well into January, I'm sitting down to write and glance back at the last year. I'm not much of a resolution-maker (not fundamentally opposed, just not for me), but I do find it's healthiest for my heart and mind to reflect and then continue on into the next year. Like every single year, there are good, hard, and in-between snippets and seasons.
I did it. I hopped aboard the sourdough train. I've made exactly one loaf of sourdough in my life, once last year, just a few months before we moved across the country from Texas to Indiana. I've long been interested in fermented foods, and tried my hand at a few, namely, kombucha, yogurt, and sauerkraut. And sourdough has been one on the want to try again list. Necessity is the mother of invention, right?