Do you have periods of life where you can't seem to gain traction in anything? Okay, yeah, me too. Life has been lots of work and then lots of play, and now I'm in the midst of transitioning to a (more normal) blend of the two. But in the midst of that, I've felt stuck. It seems that if I'm not purposely pursuing forward motion and gaining speed toward my Savior, I trend toward my equilibrium. For me, that looks like a lot of piddling around in a circle, treading water.
I'm not sure what budged me away from stagnance, but it had to do with lots of prayer, some restful time with family, and beginning my days with more direction.
I'm feeling creatively unstuck. It's interesting how the motions of my hands so accurately indicate the status of heart. When I my heart won't be moved, my hands still. Movement needs motivation, after all. But lately, I've felt the nudging of more ideas and the desire to write them down. Hopefully, you'll see new posts more than once every 7-8 days. On another creative note, our home feels less stuck in transition. Awhile back, I wrote a post about making our small rental space feel like home. We made progress towards some of those goals beginning with new (old) curtains we had in our previous apartment in Indiana, that have since been in storage. We've repurposed them—and actually, they are the perfect fit (in color, style, and number) for our current home. Also, I just started a new knitting project today after a way-too-long hiatus.
I'm feeling spiritually unstuck. We just started a new study of 1 Peter (more on that soon!) but I love the R.E.A.P. (Read, Examine, Apply Pray) method of reading scripture. I'm hungry to read His words that He's given us.
I'm feeling relationally unstuck, for the most part. There is still work that needs to be done—relationships that need tending, coffee dates for those close by, and phone chats for those afar. After all, why should I expect growth in places that I'm not properly tending? Fatigue and busyness don't mean that we need our people less, but quite the opposite. I read these words from John Piper, and they echo my thoughts (in a more profound way) :
Faith has an insatiable appetite for experiencing as much of God's grace as possible. [...] What other force will move us out of our contented living rooms to take upon ourselves the inconveniences and suffering that love requires? What will propel us? [...] Faith loves to rely on God and see him work miracles in us. Therefore, faith pushes us into the current where grace flows most freely—the current of love.
We each have so many personal resources—if not money, then we can offer our time, skills, and love. Notice, I didn't write "time, skills, or love." But rather, "And love." Preservation has a place, but not with our offerings of ourselves or our love, at least not in the way I've stuck myself lately. Just recently, I'm gaining momentum—finally using the limbs and brain, and heart that my Creator gave me.
Mellow progress was just what I needed today—set to the soundtrack of Jose Gonzalez, Alexi Murdoch, and Fleet Foxes, in curtain-filtered afternoon light, with a chai and a new knitting project next to me. My Bible is close-by, along with a notebook filled with written prayers for God to work miracles on my heart each day. My heart is a field that needs daily tending. And we have a Gardener who will help us till and plant, water and shine light, until there is new growth, bit by bit. I treasure days like today, when I glimpse just a tiny bit of the Gardener's work of getting us unstuck and pulled to Him, and pulled to love.